A Childhood Destroyed

Picture this. A 12 year old girl is sitting and watching TV alone at home. The shadow of a man falls on the wall opposite her. Her body tenses and she sits up a bit straighter. She prays it isn’t a repeat of last night. It felt like her body would explode and she wouldn’t be able to get up again. She starts crying and begs God to make her mother return at that very instant, but her father has already begun to unzip her dress.
Incest between fathers and daughters is far more prevalent than most middle class Indians would care to admit. The word in the popular mind might suggest consensus: the more accurate meaning in these circumstances is the rape of innocents in your care.
“A 16- year old girl child was being abused by her own father,” says Father Edward of BOSCO, an NGO dealing with street children. “An NGO member came to know about it and had the child agree to file a complaint against her father. When the family came to know about this, instead of helping and supporting the child, they deserted her. Similarly in another case, seven boys abused a 15-year-old girl child after giving her drugs. When we contacted the family, the members refuse to either talk about it or file any complaint.” Child sexual abuse according to him is a growing problem and a concern.
Child Abuse: India in 2007, a report prepared by the Department of Women and Child Development defines sexual abuse as inappropriate sexual behavior with a child. It includes fondling a child’s genitals, making a child fondle adult’s genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy, exhibitionism and sexual exploitation. To be considered child abuse, these acts have to be committed by a person responsible for the care of a child (for example a parent, baby sitter, etc.) or related to the child. If a stranger commits such acts, it would be considered sexual assault.
According to the report, 53.22% of all children in India were sexually abused. Andhra Pradesh, Assam, Bihar and Delhi reported the highest percentage of sexual abuse among both boys and girls. As many as 21.90% of child respondents reported facing severe forms of sexual abuse and 50.76% other forms of sexual abuse. 50% of the children were abused by a person known to them or in a position of trust and responsibility. Most of these children did not report the matter to anyone.
In a study conducted on the same issue of child sexual abuse by Anita Rattan of Samvada, an NGO, she notes that 47% of the respondents were molested or experienced sexual overtures, 15% of whom were less than 10 years old. 15% of the respondents experienced serious forms of sexual abuse including rape, 31% of whom were less than 10 years old.
Says Father Edward of BOSCO, “We don’t have data to prove this. But out of 4,500 children that we get every year, 60%-70% of them are sexually harassed. Street children, mostly girls are more vulnerable to sexual abuse. Although, boys are also not free from such abuse.”
“The people the children trust the most harass them, for example father, mother, tuition teacher, a close relative, neighbour, or just an older friend.” He continues, “In case of street children, the younger kids gets sexually harassed by the older ones. For example, a child who comes to Bangalore from let’s say Mangalore. The child will befriend some older kids, who will gain his trust and then after a few days will start sexually harassing the child. These kids live on railway stations, bus stations, etc. This is the problem that exists in society. The physiological and physical health of the child is not considered in face of the social stigma that will be attached to the girl if the word comes out about her sexual abuse.”

According to a report in citizenmatters.in, Dr Shoiba Saldanha, a gynecologist and counsellor by profession, who is active in Enfold, a Koramangala-based NGO creating awareness of child sexual abuse, says that 30%-40% of the patients who visit her are sexually abused children. Dr Shekhar Seshadari of the National Institute for Mental Health and Neurological Sciences, Bangalore, in a study conducted in the late 1990s on 146 boys found that 15% had been sexually abused by family members, friends or neighbours and the abuse started as early as at 6 years of age.

In an article on Boloji.com by Aditi De (and Nazu Tonse), who set up Askios, a local self-help group for woman survivors like her in Bangalore says, “I don't remember most of my childhood, except for brief flashes of when I was about three. I blocked out the experience of abuse, as many survivors do. I was 13 when I spoke to my parents, who got upset, made sure the perpetrator didn’t visit us any more and told me to get on with my life,” she recalls. “It was only in my mid-30s that I found it impossible to ignore the sexual abuse I had undergone as a child. In about the year 2000, a psychotherapist in Bahrain worked with me for almost two years to help me to heal.”

According to a report by United Nations Children’s Fund or Unicef on child sexual abuse in South Asia, in India victims of sexual abuse were abused by family members, relatives and close friends. Says Binoe Manuel, a social activist working with Save India Family Foundation, “I had a case where a divorced mother of an 8 year old daughter remarried. This girl was excellent in her studies before the marriage, good at elocution, extra curricular activities. She was the life of her class. Then she started lagging behind. Her attitude towards life changed. She even tried to commit suicide. When counseled we discovered the reason for the sudden change was the sexual advances by her stepfather.”

He adds, “Sexual harassment is not restricted to girls, even boys are victims of such abuse. I had another 10th Std student, who was brought for counseling due to numerous complaints of his sexual advances towards the girls in his class. We discovered that he had been forced to have sex by his paternal uncle’s wife.”

According to a report by UNICEF, sexual abuse of children severely undermines the notion of ‘personhood’. Its psychological and emotional impacts include depression, fear, mental disturbances, sleeping problems and low self-esteem. Says Mr. Manuel, “The child looses confidence in everyone after they have been sexually harassed. The child then just stops trusting anyone and everyone. Kids like such, lose faith in wholesome relationships. They find it extremely difficult to believe that people can actually like them for what they are, and not seek any sexual pleasure or don’t have any ulterior motive behind their actions. However, if counseled properly, they might be able to get over their past.”

We believe that our children are our future, so how can we allow so many of them to tortured in this way? Says a victim, “I want to challenge this world and ask people how they can continue to let things like this happen? How can they allow children to live unprotected while those who commit violent crimes against them go free? How will the world take the responsibility for children and protect them from violence, sexual abuse and exploitation?”