Sunday, September 12, 2010

Tookie Land

Once upon a time in a land called the Tookie Land, there lived a young tookie called Vinu. Tookies are a rare breed in our strange world. I am sure most of you must not even know of them. Although they are all around us, they rarely make an attempt to attract our attention.

Now, if you were to ask me what a tookie looks like, I would have to ask you to imagine a really young child whose human age might be four or five, with mere slits serving as their eyes and ears. For they rarely hear or see what we pretend to with our big eyes and heavy ears. They can see enough to make them walk without banging into a tree, but not enough to take away their imagination from them.

I am sure you all must also be curious to know how the land itself looks like. Well it is a magical land whose appearance depends upon the mood of one tookie, the Holy tookie. If the Holy tookie is happy, tookie land looks like it is singing in the mountains arm, with the trees whistling soft music of wind which carries the sweet pungent smell of many flowers in its bosom. There would be lakes glistening in the sunlight and dew drops dancing on leaves. Birds in every color available would look like flying jwels in the sky, demanding vibrantly their colorful right in that expanse of clear blue.

However, if the mood of the Holy tookie is not-so-good then the sun refuses to shine on the land. Snow covers the mountains, and sometimes, when its weight becomes too much for them to bear, they erupt and flow in the form of hot lava towards the tookie town. The birds leave and the dew drops disappear. The lakes become marshy lands and the trees become yellow.

This story is of the time when Vinu was a young child, and it had been years since she had heard the birds call or the trees whistle. The Holy tooki's displeasure was a subject of mere speculation on the towns part. The tookies were scared to ask him, for there were rumors about those who had. Although none knew it to be a fact, the rumor had it, that the city’s oldest tookies were burnt alive by the fire spitied from the slits of the Holy tookies eyes, when they asked the reason for his anger.

Coming back, this is a story of one hot afternoon, in those years, when Vinu was left alone at her home. Sitting by her window, she looked out and saw only yellow trees and brown grass. She looked down at one of the paintings drawn by her father, who used to be a painter a few years back. She longed to see all those white lillies and red roses so prominent in his paintings. She had not heard the sound of gushing water in the longest of time or felt the music of wind on her face and hair. The sun had been a orange haze forever.

She looked up and was welcomed glumly by the falling snow. She sighed and got up. Now, since it had been years since the season had not changed in the tookie land and because tookies are a imaginative lot, who also love smiling, they had made their peace with their rumors and the curse.

They had gone ahead with their life by leaving their old ways. They made new spells and things to make their then more cherfull. Like her father,who had gone from being a painter to a magic lamp seller. One could hang his lamps in ones backyard and have the illusion of the sun shining, for mere ten tookie tooleys (tookie money which is made of cookies).

Vinu alsways wondered why no one ever again tried going and talking with the Holy tookie. She had asked her father this question time and again. Her father always told her it was dangerous and that she should be happy with what exist and not run after what could be or should be. “If the times have to change they would change,” was what he said.

That morning, while she was walking around her house restlessly, her eyes fell upon the road that led to the mountain. She looked at it and went towards the window once again. She had once told her father that she wanted to go on that road one day. She found it extremely intriguing. She had never seen the Holy tookie or his adobe ever and wanted to see what it looked liked. His father was appalled by the idea and couldn’t imagine why a little happy tookie would want to put herself in danger unnecessarily.

“You should help me create better lamps and not run around the mountains coughing up hot lava every now and then,” said her father to her. She had not said anything to her father after that. She could never explain in words her need or want to walk on that road or see the mountains top. So, she silently helped her father invent new and better magic lamps.

However, her father was not there that day and her mother wasn’t home either. Her mother was busy teaching younger tookies magical ways to help them innovate better and discover more, at old Mr.Shuppe’s house.

She stood there at the window for a long while, fighting an internal war between being a good daughter and a curious tookie. Finally, her curiosity won and she decided to visit the Holy tookie. Generally, one would have expected her to write a letter for her parents filled with goodbyes and loving words. However, she did no such thing for it simply didn’t strike her that she might never come back. Which was why, she never looked back at the place, she was born and bought up in.

She walked towards the road that had not been walked on for years now. It seemed like it was accuomsted to the loneliness and wasn’t particularly happy with the incessant guest. It opened up a little in anger the moment Vinu put her foot on it, and the hot lava shisssed and shuushhed past her. She had seen enough lava flowing like a stream from the mountain through her window, but never had she felt its heat before. It threw her back a step, but then it cooled down and she gathered her courage once again to walk on. Her journey through the barren mountain was surprisingly uneventful, only marred by the hissing lava, which was unsuccessful in dissuading her.

The top of the mountain, looked like a charred painting of what could have been a charming forest or an overgrown garden. She could imagine the blacks and the greys to be the colors that she had seen in her father’s painting. Her eyes fell upon the lone edifice there, which stood tall and proud in the midst of that scalded land.

The house looked like it could have been a little cozy place, like so many other places in tookie land. It had huge windows with dirty dark blue curtains. The door was a complete circle made of old wood. The house itself was triangular in shape, and the slanting pillars could either look like they are welcoming one with open arms or throwing its anger on it. Right now, the latter seemed more apt.

The orange haze of the sun had dimmed into a soft silvery miasma, and the contrast of its grey against the dirty white house and its black surrounding lightened the fire of fear in Vinu. She trembled from it and it felt like she was stuck in the ground. The image of the old tookies being fried in the volcano kept flitting through her mind. After a few minutes of fighitng her terror and confussion, she resolutely decided to knock on the wooden door and leave the rest to faith.

It was not until the fifth knock that the door creaked and opened a little. By then she had flirted with the image of a tall body under long brown hair matted dirty with dust and red eyes. Eyes that were trying to burn her. That image seemed to have seared its fear upon her mind, which was pounding wildly in her heart. She opened the door a little more and entered it.

It would have been an understatement to say that she was surprised by what she saw. She was more than surprised, she was shocked. Not only was there a fire burning in the hearth of the house, there sat a clean shaved tookie with his dinner. He was sitting cross legged on the floor, and was staring at the food. He seemed pretty angry at something but not enough to spit fire from his eyes. It felt more of brooding to her than anything else.

“Er…hi, I am Vinu. Are you the Holy tookie?” she asked. The old tookie nodded, but refused to look at her. “Hmm…may I sit down? I have walked a long way?” she spoke again. He once again nodded but still didn’t look up. Vinu went and sat facing him and after a few seconds of awkward silence, once again tried her hand at conversation, “So how have you been”? At this he looked up stared at her. There was so much of confussion and hurt in there, that for a moment Vinu was scared that he might be actually capable of opening up a volcano under her. She shifted a little but didn’t look away.

“So finally someone decided to bother with me is it?” he said angrily. “What do you mean?” asked Vinu confused. “It has been years since someone bothered to even walk this path let alone talk to me. Everyone decided that they want to live their life without me. Now after so many years, what happened that your lot has sent you?” he asked, turning towards her.

Completely baffled by his reaction, it took Vinu a few minutes to collect herself. Once composed she said, “No one sent me. I came because I wanted to see you. But no one really knows that you were waiting either. And frankly, after what happened to those old tookies…”



“What happened to those old tookies? They were fine when they left me that morning they came,” said the Holy tookie a little confused. “Ohhh, none came back down and we all assumed that because you are so powerful and angry, you killed them”. “Killed them? Killed them! Are you all crazy? Why would I kill them?” he asked angrily. “Because you were angry,” she said. “So, do you kill tookies when you are angry?” he asked her, getting more angry with every word.

“Well no. But tell me why were you angry in the first place?” “Ohh well…one day I was walking down the tookie town and smiled at the old tookies there. However, they were busy thinking their thoughts so deeply that they didn’t even notice me. And then I went to purchase shweet sweet of sweeny’s lick-o-pop’s which have been my all time favorite, and they were over. So, I was a little upset because of that”.

“But then why didn’t you just ask the old tookies to smile when you next met them and why didn’t you just come down to buy the lick-o-pop’s?” asked Vinu incredulously. “Well the old tookies came to my place the other day and said that they would smile their smile when they came back with the lick-o-pop’s which I so wanted. But they never came back and I thought you lot have forgotten about me” said the Holy tookie.



“OH MY! Are you telling me, that we lived with cold up our noses and no sun or flowers, just because no one smiled at you, and that no one gave you lick-o-pop’s?” asked Vinu standing up now. “Well I like my smiles. Specially if one is living on the top of a mountain all alone. Smiles and lick-o-pop’s are and were an important part of my joy,” he said a little adamantly.

Vinu looked at him and smiled one of her most lovely and charming smile. He looked at her in revelation and was a little surprised to see his own long lost smile return to him. She then went up and hugged him tight. His stiff body which hadn't smiled or been hugged, for so long gave up its resistance in a few seconds and almost melted with warmth.

The stars started coming in the sky and the silvery haze started forming an almost round shape. She stepped back and promised him that she will bring him a valley full of supplies of smiles and lick-o-pop’s tomorrow. The stars now covered the blanket of sky and the soft green of the trees and the dark blue of the water could be made out in the region.

They then spoke all about tookie land in all those dreary years, till finally the sun came bouncing back, wearing its brightest clothes in the morning sky. The change in the season was noticed by all and missed by none.

The next day, all brought with them a smile and a lick-o-pop, filling the entire valley next to Holy tookie’s house with both.

Thus, the seasons in tookie land were returned by a valley full of smiles and lick-o-pop’s.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Kaziranga and Assam: Part 1

It was on a sticky boring Saturday that my colleague read out a mail about a tour in the north-east part of our country. Maybe it was the heat radiating from mother earth or maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t been on a tour for the past five years, but I was hooked. My friend Bindi and I decided to do us a favor and go on this trip.
I will confess that it was the last time I read that mail or the chain mails that were sent our way in hordes in the next two months. Therefore, I was blissfully unaware of the places that we were to visit or the people that I was going to be with. At that time a much needed break from the monotony called my life, some peace and a few known faces were more than enough for me to get excited and board the plane from Mumbai to Guwahati. Who knew that this journey will mark the beginning of some beautiful relationships and sear my memory with images unforgettable?

12th April, 8 A.M: I reached Mumbai airport with a brand new headphones of a new china phone dangling from my neck and a backpack killing my shoulders. I was standing outside when Bindi and her friend Mitali joined me. All three of us went inside and were greeted by a pair of twins called Dipti and Preeti. (If not for their names I would have been extremely shocked to see them use the loo with a girls face on it). There was also a middle aged uncle called Vachlekar who joined our party.

Speculating if the security guys will ask Deepti and Preeti to join the mens queue, we got our boarding passes and were on our way to Guwahati. The flight was not unique in anyway. However, the fact that the air hostess in her gelled hair looked like a bad version of TinTin made it a memorable one. After taking my luggage and becoming a caricature of a dwarf, I was all set to face the sweltering city of Guwahati.
However, we were forced to become a search party as Dhwani’s brother Shreyas, whom none knew and who boarded the flight from Kolkatta was to travel with us to the city. I decided to be the guardian of our luggage.
It was while I was simply staring around, when my eyes fell on this guy standing on the other side of the glass panel. A rather good looking chap. Curiously, he was also staring back at me. I, of course being the writer that I am started thinking of all the possible angles that I can construct with that one carless but somehow warm moment that passed between us. While I was busy with my would-be-story, Mitali started waving at the same person. Surprised, I looked up and heard Dipti telling Bindi that he was Shreyas, Dhwani’s brother. Now I really looked at him and saw some flattering similarities. Interesting, I thought.
Adding another male in our group which was at the risk of looking like an all girl gang, we sat in a supposedly AC bus that took us to our destination, Hotel Tibet. Yes, you can laugh away to glory. I did the same myself.
Luckily the Airport is in the outskirts of Guwahati and the ride upto the main city is long and not all stained by pollution. In fact the landscape is quite a view with all its long lazy pastures and houses the kind that we used to draw as kids. A slanting roof, one beautiful garden and a small temple right outside, with wooden fencing done in that exact same crisscross manner.
However, once we neared the city, it felt like these houses were being stripped off their beauty. The houses in this part looked more like ghetto with just walls. The beauty of those pastures was encroached upon by the newly painted buildings demanding development. The air was corrupted by too many vehicles and hoardings. Guwahati was in one word disappointing. Simply because it did not appreciate the beauty that it had and marred it by applying too much of concrete make-up.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Kaziranga and Assam: part 2

I was thinking these thoughts when Bindi showed me my first glimpse of Paltan Bazar, where our hotel was. It was like any other Bazar. Crowded with people and vehicles alike, full of voices and shops that prop out of nearly everywhere. One word of advice for all the fellow travelers. In case you want to pick up handmade wooden show pieces, Paltan Bazar is the place for you. Do not be under the impression that you will get better and cheaper goods further down, cause then you will end up like me. Buying things for your friends from the Airport as the last desperate resort and in the process forgetting your mother’s sari. Yes, the understanding yet pointed ‘ohhh’ of my mother is still ringing in my ears.
Coming back, our hotel was one of the cheapest hotels available in the town, literally and figuratively. However, since we had to spend just one night there and it wasn’t a part of the official YHAI tour we fought all our instincts and settled down peacefully. I am sure that the boys will have something else to say on this but we did sleep in that hotel ultimately.
Before going off to bed we of course had to spend our first evening as a group together. So, when we gathered down, the boys started walking and the girls followed. No introductions done or efforts made from either group. Dhwani who was a common factor was in her words being ‘sandwiched’ in between.
13th April 2010: We checked out of the hotel and were ready to leave for Kaziranga. However, our driv-ers weren’t. Another group was to join us and their train was running a little late. We prayed, we com-plained, we begged, but the sun turned a deaf ear on us. So we bought Bisleri after Bisleri from the nearby stall, proving our belief in supporting the local industry. Finally after winning the best customer of the day award, we sat in our cars.
Scorching heat, dusty road and too many stops marked the first half of our journey from Guwahati to Kaziranga. The transition period from first half to second half was played in my dream. However, when I did get up I realized that something more beautiful is being played outside my window. Never ending pastures with cows painted here and there. Tea estates with a green mountain posing in the backdrop. Brick houses springing in the middle of a palm tree conglomerate.
The blue gray sky with a hint of black was casted overhead as well. The sky must have been as overcome with emotions as I was, for it opened its arms and welcomed my arrival. Ahh! Raindrops on my palm, and the green in my eyes. A road between two mountains felt like a secret shared between friends. The shadows of night slowly falling around us made the black of the road more contrasting with the deep green of the mountains around it. Right then I realized that for me, Kaziranga will always be defined by this wet contrast.
It was night by the time we reached our hotel. It was in the middle of a tea estate. The location made us forget the disaster called Hotel Tibet and the rooms made us squeal in joy (at least the girls). Our rooms would have complimented the needs of a princess. The garden was as huge as my entire school area, and hotel staff was an ever smiling face. It’s a miracle that I didn’t sprain my ankles while expressing my excitement.
I took my bath lavishly and headed downstairs for a Bihu dance performance specially organized for us. Bihu is a festival celebrated from mid-April till mid-May in Assam. It marks the celebration of the new harvest and is also a season of love. Couples dance and express their affection for each other in the most melodious way possible. In fact the male uses a drum to call out to his lover who might be surrounded by her elders. The girl if not already headed for the Bihu dance will reply by playing her gogona and let the man know that she is still at home. It’s always said that love doesn’t require words. Well, Assamese seem to take that thought to their hearts.
The dance starts and unknown words start playing on my ears. The girls in their white and red sari look like a whirl of colors and the men become a synonym for music. One of the dancers was also a waiter in the hotel obliged us by explaining about Bihu. We, like all tourists clicked away every word he said and then some more. By dinner time everyone was talking about charging their camera batteries. Our second dinner together, the girls were all on one side, boys on another. One sentence here and one sentence there by each sex and that was it. We went up; we talked, and then slept.
Our reverie of jungle safari which started from that first mail flowed into our second day in Kaziranga. We all ran towards our open jeep and got seated as fast as humanly possible. On our way to the Kazi-ranga park, we saw tea estates breaking away from those heavy clouds of last night into yellow sunlight. The roads were like those in Bollywood and we felt no different. We climbed on every possible space on the jeep and got our pictures clicked in the oddest positions possible. We smiled our way through the gate and were busy discussing the youtube video on Kaziranga.
It took one hour and many sighing from us before the forest ranger finally graced us with his presence. Once he was seated next to our driver-cum-guide, we started our foray into the depths of the jungle. Ironically it was not until our first ride was over that our guide Salunkhe Uncle actually thought of telling us that the Rhinos and Deer’s that everyone was trying to spot in their zoomed in cameras will be as near as our hand the next day on our elephant ride. One reason I wasn’t much bothered about the 4x only zoom in my camera on our next jeep safari in the evening. Also why I enjoyed the butterflies and the canopy of trees more in these rides.
By the time our second night in Kaziranga was over, we all at least started putting up names across fac-es. Maybe it was the ‘Mayapuri’ style story-telling session taken by Sudhir, or maybe it was the magic weaved around us by the fireflies in that quite night. I don’t know. But the ice was definitely if not bro-ken, made a dent upon.
Next day we were up and about on our elephants wondering excitedly if we might come across any tigers. We did not but we did see our share of Rhinos and Deer’s. However, we also saw the inhumanity that is allowed in the name of tourism in Kaziranga. How else does one explain the cruel beating of the very elephants that bring in these tourists? The riders are mere teenagers who understand the power of force better than the companionship of a relationship, because force doesn’t take much effort. “How else do we control these animals?” was the statement made by one of the forest ranger there, when asked about this. Controlling the wild in their homeland and selling that to city sleeker’s like us. I might be sounding harsh, but I can and will never forget the wound near the elephant’s ear that I rode.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Cherrapunji

Cherrapunji was the last stop of our North-East trip. After this the softness of the mountains in our eyes was to be replaced by the brightness of streetlights. I was told not to expect too much from Cherrapunji. That it wasn’t beautiful anymore and it doesn’t rain too often. I was told wrong. It rained enough during our stay to remind me of my geography lessons in school, which gave this place ‘the rain capital of world’ title.
Cherrapunji was 56Kms from Shillong. The sun was shining boldly above our heads when we started our journey. However, the heat was not biting but rather a pleasant sensation on our skins. I was gladly reading my Nora Roberts when I heard the pitter patter of rain on my window. I looked up and realized that the mountains that I had taken for granted as my travelling partners were bowing down to small hills and flat plains. The sun had also disappeared behind the veil of dark clouds. The soft yellow of the day was thus transformed into the light darkness of a young evening.
I put my hand out of the window and felt the sting of a hailstorm. I smiled at my friend and we both put our heads out, literally hanging out of our cars. Soaked till our bones we arrived at Nohkalikai Fall, near Cherrapunji. It’s a different matter altogether that we weren’t able to even get a glimpse of the fall,  as the fog was wrapped around like a thick white blanket around us.
Although, we weren’t able to see the fall, its history we did hear. Local lore spoke about a mother’s love for her child who was killed by her second husband. The mother driven by her grief jumped from the fall.
The mist, the dew drops sticking on my face and the quietness of the place was instrumental in bringing out the most repressed feelings of my being. Contrast presented itself when I also felt peace. I was wet; I was walking in the fog and was lost in my thoughts. Smell of tea and a friendly smile across the road caught my attention. I walked over and after having a cup or two we were again on our way to Cherrapunji.
The outskirts of Cherrapunji felt like it was frozen in time. The landscape was green, the roads were fresh and the weather was always pleasant. Your eyes would fail to capture the vibrancy of the flowers but your heart will feel their gentleness. The houses stand alone and proud, not too far off but enough to mark their own place in that world.
‘Yeh raaten yeh mausam…’ was being played in my car when we arrived at Mawsmai caves. We were told to take off our shoes and fold our pants up, as there was water inside. I being a little claustrophobic immediately started getting images of too many people, water, no space and darkness. My friend nudged me from behind and I started moving in.
The cave was well lit but as we went in deep, crouching, we realized that at some places only one person can enter at a time. The stones were covered with moss and thus quite slippery as well. I will confess that I was terrified for at least a moment. The fact that I shouted ‘mummy’ must have been a clue for my friends for they helped me out hurriedly.
Well as hurriedly as possible with the queue waiting to leave.
One of the best ways to fight your fears is to concentrate on something else. I did the same and my point of concentration was the stalagmite and stalactites all around the cave. As I had never seem them before they seemed quite fascinating to me. I smiled remembering how I used to struggle to pronounce their names as a kid and walked out of the cave.
We ate a sumptuous meal at a dhaba of sorts next to the caves and continued our journey. We reached Cherrapunji Hotel resort by mid-afternoon. The place is tucked away at the edge of a hill and one can see Bangladesh on the other side. The flowers are blooming around the house, there is a small half- broken wooden bench in the front of the cottage where one can sit and look at mountains and clouds and butterflies.
With a cup of tea in our hand we all looked as if we are posing for Fredrick Williams, the famous painter. Once we were done posing we set out to see ‘The Living Root Bridge’. With shafts in our hands and no clue about the path we started following each other. The following was transformed into a full fledged trekking in about 20 mins. Considering I have never trekked before, it was surely an experience. It took us nearly two hours to reach the bridge and yes it was worth every aching bone in my body.
Although these bridges are natural, there is a human hand in their growing. According to Oddity Central (http://www.odditycentral.com/videos/the-living-bridges-of-cherrapunji.html) The Khasi tribesmen, using hollowed-out betel nut trunks, are able to direct the roots in whatever way they like. When the roots grow all the way across a river, they are allowed to return to the soil, and over time, a strong bridge is formed. It takes up to 10-15 years for a root bridge to develop, but it becomes stronger with each passing year and is known to last for centuries.
The one we visited was right at the start of a waterfall. I never imagined myself standing at the starting point of a waterfall and that was quite a thrill. But to see something so beautiful and strong also made me aware of the insurmountable strength of our mother nature.
Drinking some water from the stream we made our way back towards our hotel. Moon graced us with his presence halfway up the trek and dark shadows of the trees were then bathed into shimmering moonlight. The jungle sang its nighttime song and the light rain played the music. I forgot that I was tired and smiled at the unknown melody around me.
Finally we reached our hotel, took a bath and settled down for the local music sitting arranged specially for us. It was interesting to hear familiar tunes tangled with foreign language. After this we ate our food and settled down for the last time as a group, for this trip was over.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Queens Street

It was the middle of the night. The road was deserted and dogs were howling. The trees that lined both the sides of the street, looked like they were deciding the best way to devour it up. The zari on her red sari was the only thing that gave her away. She was walking alone with a cigarette in her mouth. She didn’t want to work tonight. She needn’t work tonight. She had enough on her to allow her these moments of solitude and peace. She loved this street as it was more deserted than the rest of them in the city. The occasional cars passing by always gave her intense excitement and fear. She walked behind the trees so that she was invisible to anyone not in quest of another soul. It made her feel like she was playing hide and seek. Only that she didn’t know who was seeking her.
It seemed to her that the trees have slept under the blanket of that darkness. The music of that silence was amplified by the drizzle in the air. Suddenly the soft and soothing was transformed into fast and moving. The silver baubles glowing on the darkened form of the leaves could have put the brightest diamond to shame. Surrounded with such riches she felt like a queen.
It was the beating of another heart behind her. It put a stop to the journey of her smile ,from her lips to her eyes. She turned behind and saw a strong form standing there. For a moment she thought the sound of his voice has overpowered her own heartbeat.
“What are you doing here at this hour of the night ? That too in the rain?” he asked. “I am a prostitute on a break. Do you mind?” she responded. He raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment. “Do you need a lift? I can drop you somewhere”. “Do you offer strange women lift at this time in the night?” “Depends, if I am in a mood for company, I do”. “Is that you car?” “Yes. It is”.
She walked towards the car and sat inside. The moment he entered, she wished that there were no lights inside the car. His features that looked human in the moonlight, looked goodly and still much more real in them. Her own ugliness that had sprung up like a wall between the two forced her to look outside. Funny, that what I see outside is what I feel inside, darkness, she thought.
However, this thought was a mere fleeting one. She didn’t bother to catch it either. In her profession it was too easy to fall prey to such self pity and loose oneself. She had lost too much and too soon already.
“Do you work hard?” “Yes, occasionally”. “Do you like what you do?” “If the man is handsome, yes. If not still yes because then I charge him for his ugliness too,” she said and turned towards him.
His jaw was set and he stared ahead. He was driving at 120 and wasn’t much aware of the heavy veil of rain clouding his vision. She looked away. She didn’t want to know anything about him. He was for her a dream she didn’t want to give a name to. She simply wanted to live it. She could smell him. That was enough for her to create his image the way she wanted to. She had his voice as well. What she didn’t want were his thoughts. Because they didn’t matter to her.
She closed her eyes and sat back. He looked at her and commented, “You look so peaceful”. “I am at peace right now”. “I wish I could say that”. She remained silent and smiled at him. “I like your smile. It is full of hope”. “Don’t you like hope?” “Hope can be deceiving. It can make you believe in things that are nothing but mirages”. “There is such a thin line between a mirage and reality. It really is all about your perception”.
“I am not a great fan of reality either. It’s ugly”, he said swinging his car. “But true,” she said with her eyes still closed. “How does it matter?” he asked. “You are right it doesn’t”. They both fell silent for some time. “I hate lies too,” he said. “Yes same here”. “Don’t you want to know the truth about me?” “I don’t think it will be much of use to me to be honest”. “How can you be so self-assured and confident? ” he asked in a calm and thinking voice. She just smiled at him.
Headline: A man killed his wife and three year old girl last night and set the house on fire. He then drove away in his car and was killed in a car crash near queens street. There was a woman in the car with him who died on the spot. The police still haven’t identified her.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The terror called resignation letter

It’s an epidemic. And it’s contagious. Also it brings along with it other diseases. Diseases that recent study has shown can kill one. Yes, I am talking about none other than the most dangerous illness of all time, RESIGNATION. And that too not by you but by a very close colleague of yours. It makes you feel as if you have been left behind in quicksand and you are disappearing fast.

Its symptoms itself are killing. First when this word is uttered in the company of your group, which by the way is the rope that is keeping your head above that quicksand, you will feel numbness. Cold numbness. Then you will start counting how many are left with you to bear the oppression of stale coffee and bad food? How many are left who see the man responsible for all your pimples and hair loss? How many are left who understand why even the thought of buying a dress worth 5oo bucks makes your mind a super computer (a brain that had difficulty passing math exam in school)

When one is done counting those who are still left to bear the burden of earning money, one starts wondering about that lucky contestant who has won the ticket to freedom. That one person who has broken from the shackles of comforting chairs and a pay slip every 30 days. That one person who just might get up and do what he or she really wants to do in life (that of course doesn’t happen often as once an office goer always an office goer). Anyway there is always a chance that this one person will make you feel like a mill worker for the rest of your life. There is a chance that he or she might become what you wanted to be, but could never ever save enough to say the words ‘just do it’.

Why does this happen? It’s very simple. Office is a synonym for a ‘dead mans world’. Wherever you look around there is a blank stare which is a suggestion that no one knows what they are doing here or even why? That is why terms like ‘deadline’ were coined by corporate workers. It really is a deadline. If you work in accordance with it, it’s like walking your death row, and if you don’t then even god can’t save you. So, it’s simply a matter of choosing your death really. One can either die in peace or in chaos.

And as we all know, those who suffer similar miseries make best of friends. And when one of these friends even suggests that they might just leave you alone to deal with the wretched game of earning, they inevitably pass on the burden of their misery on you.

In the past 6 months, I had to bear this additional burden twice. First time around, I had Bindi (who by the way is the BBC world of network 18 and thus have contacts all around), who helped me deal with the towering sensitivity that I had developed towards my colleagues behavior, after Bharti left. Now it’s Bindi leaving and along with her goes my daily dose of wittiness by Gayathri.

My reaction? HELP!!!! The worst part was that I couldn’t even discourage them from leaving. It’s because I have been cursed with a good heart and I knew that they were really UNHAPPY (yes in bold letters too). So, I of course had to be all supportive and understanding, when actually I just wanted to tie them in their chairs and make them stay. Till I save enough to leave with them at least.
However, since the ball is not in my court anymore, I guess all I can do is wish them the best in life and count the days till I can leave this constant pain in my shoulders and that blank stare behind.