Numbness

An empty cup on the working table,
And a few pages of thoughts strewn around.
A lone hand on my lap, waiting for someone to hold it and turn around,
My fate from this dreadful numbness,
Numbness that is thick and dense like fog on rainy days,
Numbness that takes me to a land where only dead reside,
Numbness that has withheld within itself all my emotions,
And thoughts that it stole from me.
I have been robbed off my feelings,
Robbed in a ruthless manner by this cold numbness,
My head aches when I think,
And my mind buzzes when I hear,
Voices, meaningless voices,
Screaming my name, calling for me,
I don’t know who they are,
Or what they want but my numbness doesn’t allow me to get up on my feet and move.
But this numbness feels good.
It’s deeper than anything I have ever experienced.
It’s cold and bottomless, and makes everything else shallow.
It makes me more independent as I don’t have feelings anymore,
I can now look at things and not feel anything and so I can look and think about people and situations, which had me crying at the mere mention of them.
I can now close my eyes and not dream or have a nightmare.
Maybe I am not happy, but I am not sad either.
It’s simply peaceful in here.