It’s a strange relationship I share with you. I love to hate you. I can’t stand you but I dislike standing without you. You irk me with your insatiable need for approval and acceptance. Your need to be the best in everything. Your need to take center stage and push everyone in the back. I call you a friend. And I know you will share my tears if need be. I know you will come when I call. Even if reluctantly. I also know you will slash me to pieces if I dare rise above you. But till I don’t try, you will protect me and in your own twisted way make me feel safe. On some days I wish I could rip you out of my life. On others I feel liberated because we have just had a marathon laughing session on the most innocuous gossip and chatter. Life feels lighter and everything feels like it is where it should be. Yet, I feel the presence of something heavy. Like a dark cloud, waiting to descend. I fear that cloud and yet it feels like its covering me from the harsh rays of sun. I don’t know if I love you, like you or even know you. I only know I wish to be free of you. And yet I know I can’t be free of you.
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