For normal people the cause of depression will be, maybe a heart-break, fight with boy friend, parents divorce, friends betrayal…but not for me. For me the cause of depression last Friday was a PRESS CONFERENCE. Yes, as weird and impossible as it may sound to you, it is very much true, and possible with my fate. The fact that it was not one of ‘the best days of my life’, might have had something to aggravate my depression, but nevertheless, this can not undermine the role that PRESS CONFERENCE played in bringing out those watery captives from the prison of my eyes.
It was on that fateful Thursday, the 11th of this month. I got up and realized I was too lazy to boil water, which I have to do because I am too lazy to go and buy a rod (also the fact that I am concerned about my electricity bill, now with standing). So, I took a bath from chilling tap water, for those of you who don’t know, I stay in Delhi and Delhi in winters is like a Harry Potter land where there is a constant presence of Dememtors in the area.
So, after cursing the place, god, my landlord and my office, I set out for my office. One of the most irritating things about Delhi is, that busses don’t stop at the bus stop if there is no passenger who wants to get down or else you are not literally standing in front of the bus, waving your hands high up your head, creating a doubt about your sanity in the minds of those who are not used to this kind of humiliation and are not aware about the limited viewing capacity of the bus drivers.
So, while I was waving my hands like I am trying to catch butterflies in the middle of the street, five bus drivers decided that I was actually doing that and ignored my pleas to stop. Finally, at 9:50 (my office starts at 9:30) a buss driver decided to show some pity on me and stopped the bus. It was as usual stuffed with legs and hands and sweat. I didn’t even bother to try to get past these as I knew I will only be beaten up by the crowd. So, I was standing right at the edge of the bus. A word of advice for those who plan to follow my example, DON’T DO IT. The drivers not only lack visual capabilities, but are completely ignorant that they are actually carrying a bus full of people, most of them hanging on others and bits of metal for dear life. So he made sure that I was swinging like a pendulum and hit each and every part of my body, with either a person pushing his way to get down or from the many rods in the bus.
Finally I arrived at Nehru Place and by them I assure you every joint in my body was paining and screeching for a massage. Thinking about beautiful resorts and spas, I made my way to my office building. I missed the lift and had to wait for some five minute before another arrived. Some how I knew that my day has just started, and was I right or what? The lift got stuck at 3rd floor (my office is at 4th) and after five minutes of everyone in the lift trying their hands at the panel, the lift started juggling upwards and stopped at the 10th floor directly. I rushed back down and slipped, making the two very executive type (good-looking though) men almost giggle. They offered for help but I was too embarrassed to even look at them, so I nodded my head and said something about water on the stairs (it was as dry as an autumn leaf) and left. I kept wondering all the way to my office that why does it so happen that whenever some good-looking man passes me, my life becomes a horror story. Meeting good-looking men is jinxed for me I guess.
So, after reaching my office, I asked for a cup of tea as usual, which I have become quite addicted to, and my brain simply refuses to work without it. Guess what? My tea machine was broken and I couldn’t get any. Typical na? So, I decided to order some tea and biscuits from down stairs ‘chaiwala’. However, before I could even complete this thought, I made the suicidal mistake of telling my boss that there was a press conference of Microsoft today and before I could complete even that thought (which was of not going there) my boss requested (which as an employee when came down to me looked like an order) to go there. I went to see him and told him that I didn’t think it was wroth it. Only that I didn’t say it that way, I said “What do I do in this press conference”. Yes, I know it sounds like the fish is asking how to swim and the reaction you would have given your employee was the same that I received. Which was a blank look and a repetition of the same question in a half-irritated and a half-awed voice. After repeating after me, my boss said I know there is no news there, but go and make contacts at least. I agreed to do the same, for which I paid a heavy price I must say.
I was supposed to go to Taj palace at Sujan Singh Park. I am fairly new to Delhi and haven’t really got a chance to explore the place. And honestly, I am so bad with directions and remembering the name of roads and places that I wouldn’t have been able to tell the rikshawala directions as and how. So, when you have my sense of direction, you have to depend on the rikhshwala to know the place and trust him completely. That day, I asked five rikhshwala to take me there and all in turn asked me if I knew where it was. So, I gave them the look my boss gave me and went ahead to look for another one. Finally, I got a guy who agreed to take me there, however the person who got off the rik before I got in went to some office in the interior of Nehru place, as he forgot his money and had to borrow from someone. This whole process took some 15 minutes during which time the rikhshwala and I were waiting for the guy the come back. After that he drove to Taj at such an excruciatingly slow and cautious way (I am so used to fast driving in Delhi), that I almost dozed off and was rudely awaken by him. I paid him and entered the hell hole (Imagine paying to go to hell!).
I must mention here that the press con was supposed to start at 11:15 and I was dot on time, considering all the odds. However, it is a cardinal mistake to expect a press con to start on time. All though I was expecting an half and hour delay for the proceedings to take place, what followed was unacceptable. There were no chairs to sit on and because they had five laptops and smart phones they wanted to give away to people, who win a very idiotic game I must say, there were flocks of journalist pilling up in that room, which was half the size of a big classroom (the other half was occupied by their banners and laptops for groups to play). Everyone knows that Vista and the smart phones by Microsoft aren’t doing well, so it was basically a promotional strategy. They had set up some laptops in various colors, blue, green, etc and two people were standing around it, making us understand the so called ‘new features’. The lady at the podium started the meet by 12:30, which means that that for nearly a hour and a half we were simply standing and looking at strangers , and as the AC (in winters) was on full blast, our legs were shivering from the effort of standing and bearing the cold as well. That lady herself was smiling like a maniac (literally) and speaking of oceans and skies at a Microsoft Press con. Go figure! Even the PR guys I later heard were flabbergasted by her lack of intelligence. Even for a Marcom person, she was dumb.
We were sorted out in groups and after listening to that lady go on and on about describing the various colors (in which we were sorted), we were sent to laptops under each color platform and were educated about the features. The features were not only old and nothing extraordinary, but also the people talking about them looked like they were being tortured by having to handle us. Lame jokes and scripts that they had prepared (friend-talking-to friend act) added to our misery. I remember one man in particular, who was telling us about this new feature in MSN (which is owned by Microsoft) where one can customize their smiley. The smiley he chose to customize as an example for us was the kissing one. A middle-aged man kissing on a chat box, which fills up completely with his cracked lips, in a press conference, is not a pretty sight, trust me you. While the rest of my colleagues were smiling or looking at their feet, I was openly gaping at the man.
Also the mad lady on the podium was counting down to 10 in every few minutes and pressing the buzzer until she saw some ear bleeding. After that I didn’t have the heart or sense to take in the rest of what went on.
The reason I went there was to meet Hemant their new Joint MD for online and marketing. He was sucked in from Bharti and I was told to make ‘contact’ as is necessary in our line of business. He came around one and addressed the meeting for some 10 minutes. In fact I think those 10 minutes was the only worthwhile period of those three hours I spent there.
However, he came by 1:15 and the whole circus, with the games played and stuff, was done by 2. By that time we all had been standing for almost three hours straight. By now, most of the journalists were sitting on the floor completely exhausted. Luckily there was a rug and they had the comfort of knowing that their asses wouldn’t freeze, like their legs had.
Before they announced the winners, they requested us to join them for lunch. Most of us have our food by 1, so you can imagine how hungry we must be by 2. I, for one left office without having anything so I was famished. However, the line was so big and people so hungry that I didn’t really get a chance to eat properly. Also the fact that the whole set-up of the stalls was done in a space of 3 foot, didn’t help the situation. By then I was done with the whole thing and left on the verge of tears. I reached office, abused everyone and everything, bitched about the whole damm press con, cried a bit (as I was in office) and had momo’s (veg one’s).
It was on that fateful Thursday, the 11th of this month. I got up and realized I was too lazy to boil water, which I have to do because I am too lazy to go and buy a rod (also the fact that I am concerned about my electricity bill, now with standing). So, I took a bath from chilling tap water, for those of you who don’t know, I stay in Delhi and Delhi in winters is like a Harry Potter land where there is a constant presence of Dememtors in the area.
So, after cursing the place, god, my landlord and my office, I set out for my office. One of the most irritating things about Delhi is, that busses don’t stop at the bus stop if there is no passenger who wants to get down or else you are not literally standing in front of the bus, waving your hands high up your head, creating a doubt about your sanity in the minds of those who are not used to this kind of humiliation and are not aware about the limited viewing capacity of the bus drivers.
So, while I was waving my hands like I am trying to catch butterflies in the middle of the street, five bus drivers decided that I was actually doing that and ignored my pleas to stop. Finally, at 9:50 (my office starts at 9:30) a buss driver decided to show some pity on me and stopped the bus. It was as usual stuffed with legs and hands and sweat. I didn’t even bother to try to get past these as I knew I will only be beaten up by the crowd. So, I was standing right at the edge of the bus. A word of advice for those who plan to follow my example, DON’T DO IT. The drivers not only lack visual capabilities, but are completely ignorant that they are actually carrying a bus full of people, most of them hanging on others and bits of metal for dear life. So he made sure that I was swinging like a pendulum and hit each and every part of my body, with either a person pushing his way to get down or from the many rods in the bus.
Finally I arrived at Nehru Place and by them I assure you every joint in my body was paining and screeching for a massage. Thinking about beautiful resorts and spas, I made my way to my office building. I missed the lift and had to wait for some five minute before another arrived. Some how I knew that my day has just started, and was I right or what? The lift got stuck at 3rd floor (my office is at 4th) and after five minutes of everyone in the lift trying their hands at the panel, the lift started juggling upwards and stopped at the 10th floor directly. I rushed back down and slipped, making the two very executive type (good-looking though) men almost giggle. They offered for help but I was too embarrassed to even look at them, so I nodded my head and said something about water on the stairs (it was as dry as an autumn leaf) and left. I kept wondering all the way to my office that why does it so happen that whenever some good-looking man passes me, my life becomes a horror story. Meeting good-looking men is jinxed for me I guess.
So, after reaching my office, I asked for a cup of tea as usual, which I have become quite addicted to, and my brain simply refuses to work without it. Guess what? My tea machine was broken and I couldn’t get any. Typical na? So, I decided to order some tea and biscuits from down stairs ‘chaiwala’. However, before I could even complete this thought, I made the suicidal mistake of telling my boss that there was a press conference of Microsoft today and before I could complete even that thought (which was of not going there) my boss requested (which as an employee when came down to me looked like an order) to go there. I went to see him and told him that I didn’t think it was wroth it. Only that I didn’t say it that way, I said “What do I do in this press conference”. Yes, I know it sounds like the fish is asking how to swim and the reaction you would have given your employee was the same that I received. Which was a blank look and a repetition of the same question in a half-irritated and a half-awed voice. After repeating after me, my boss said I know there is no news there, but go and make contacts at least. I agreed to do the same, for which I paid a heavy price I must say.
I was supposed to go to Taj palace at Sujan Singh Park. I am fairly new to Delhi and haven’t really got a chance to explore the place. And honestly, I am so bad with directions and remembering the name of roads and places that I wouldn’t have been able to tell the rikshawala directions as and how. So, when you have my sense of direction, you have to depend on the rikhshwala to know the place and trust him completely. That day, I asked five rikhshwala to take me there and all in turn asked me if I knew where it was. So, I gave them the look my boss gave me and went ahead to look for another one. Finally, I got a guy who agreed to take me there, however the person who got off the rik before I got in went to some office in the interior of Nehru place, as he forgot his money and had to borrow from someone. This whole process took some 15 minutes during which time the rikhshwala and I were waiting for the guy the come back. After that he drove to Taj at such an excruciatingly slow and cautious way (I am so used to fast driving in Delhi), that I almost dozed off and was rudely awaken by him. I paid him and entered the hell hole (Imagine paying to go to hell!).
I must mention here that the press con was supposed to start at 11:15 and I was dot on time, considering all the odds. However, it is a cardinal mistake to expect a press con to start on time. All though I was expecting an half and hour delay for the proceedings to take place, what followed was unacceptable. There were no chairs to sit on and because they had five laptops and smart phones they wanted to give away to people, who win a very idiotic game I must say, there were flocks of journalist pilling up in that room, which was half the size of a big classroom (the other half was occupied by their banners and laptops for groups to play). Everyone knows that Vista and the smart phones by Microsoft aren’t doing well, so it was basically a promotional strategy. They had set up some laptops in various colors, blue, green, etc and two people were standing around it, making us understand the so called ‘new features’. The lady at the podium started the meet by 12:30, which means that that for nearly a hour and a half we were simply standing and looking at strangers , and as the AC (in winters) was on full blast, our legs were shivering from the effort of standing and bearing the cold as well. That lady herself was smiling like a maniac (literally) and speaking of oceans and skies at a Microsoft Press con. Go figure! Even the PR guys I later heard were flabbergasted by her lack of intelligence. Even for a Marcom person, she was dumb.
We were sorted out in groups and after listening to that lady go on and on about describing the various colors (in which we were sorted), we were sent to laptops under each color platform and were educated about the features. The features were not only old and nothing extraordinary, but also the people talking about them looked like they were being tortured by having to handle us. Lame jokes and scripts that they had prepared (friend-talking-to friend act) added to our misery. I remember one man in particular, who was telling us about this new feature in MSN (which is owned by Microsoft) where one can customize their smiley. The smiley he chose to customize as an example for us was the kissing one. A middle-aged man kissing on a chat box, which fills up completely with his cracked lips, in a press conference, is not a pretty sight, trust me you. While the rest of my colleagues were smiling or looking at their feet, I was openly gaping at the man.
Also the mad lady on the podium was counting down to 10 in every few minutes and pressing the buzzer until she saw some ear bleeding. After that I didn’t have the heart or sense to take in the rest of what went on.
The reason I went there was to meet Hemant their new Joint MD for online and marketing. He was sucked in from Bharti and I was told to make ‘contact’ as is necessary in our line of business. He came around one and addressed the meeting for some 10 minutes. In fact I think those 10 minutes was the only worthwhile period of those three hours I spent there.
However, he came by 1:15 and the whole circus, with the games played and stuff, was done by 2. By that time we all had been standing for almost three hours straight. By now, most of the journalists were sitting on the floor completely exhausted. Luckily there was a rug and they had the comfort of knowing that their asses wouldn’t freeze, like their legs had.
Before they announced the winners, they requested us to join them for lunch. Most of us have our food by 1, so you can imagine how hungry we must be by 2. I, for one left office without having anything so I was famished. However, the line was so big and people so hungry that I didn’t really get a chance to eat properly. Also the fact that the whole set-up of the stalls was done in a space of 3 foot, didn’t help the situation. By then I was done with the whole thing and left on the verge of tears. I reached office, abused everyone and everything, bitched about the whole damm press con, cried a bit (as I was in office) and had momo’s (veg one’s).
8 comments:
This was a wonderful read. I am sure this pres con is not the only one and being from the same profession i knw wat a pain they are sometimes. this description though is one of its kind and tells the story in the best possible way. it was the most entertaining review of a pres con. keep up good wrk.
Really good job,
as on you are used to it and even we.really enjoyed it by reading.
carry on....
I hope other press cons go better for you. Hug.
Ur bad day really made mine :-)...very well written buddy
ha ha ha ha ha.... super, fantastic, i wonder that it happened with you... but there were few things which made me low.... hmmmm... journnalism is a watch dog of democracy but here they were really dogs for vista and smart phones. and these days people do anything to promote their products. cant help much anyways keep writing rainbow....
enjoy...
hariOM.
I love the way you write. It actualy made me laugh loud. I could connect very easily... the best thing is I read it till the end (I hate reading). hehehe...I liked the way u used the ()... Keep up the Good work! :)
Deepika
This one is really gud n hilarious esp coz i just had a spat with one of my colleague.. I just wish if i cud write like you take out my discontent.. It made me smile so it is the best :)
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