The tale of two cities

And we arrive in Kuala Lumpur. For the first couple of days it feels pretty lonely. I have no prior reference to fall back on, no friends who talk or understand my language and no streets that my feet know from years of travelling. It’s amazing how we take the smallest of things for granted in our daily lives and how those small things become jarring and attention worthy in a different land.

For example, back home I never looked twice at the texture or colour of our currency. Suddenly in Malaysia ‘money’ became currency and there were moments today when I was baffled to see this different note in my hand. People here are very quite. They are quiet on the streets, in malls, in trains, even the kids. In Mumbai, forever my wish was to have some peace and quiet. In all honesty, I have had long colourful fantasies of throwing giggling college girls and loud aunties from the train window. Today, the absence of this chaos was more disquieting than anything else. I felt as if I am walking in a land of zombies really. 

I also have no qualms in confessing that never and I mean never had I thought that I shall be feeling all of this. I have lived alone for more than 5 years and anyone closely acquainted with me knows my love for silence and loneliness. And yet, I am feeling all of this and more. I think one of the reason is the fact that prior to this my loneliness was by my own design. I could end it whenever I wished to. Today, that is not the case. There are external factors that are controlling the situation and frankly, I can’t do anything about them. It is sitting here in a beautiful hostel in Malaysia that I realize that control is the most difficult thing to let go.

No, I am not a control freak. Not even close. For the longest time (till last week actually) I prided myself in being the one who can ‘flow with the wind’ and let things come to her. But it was only today that I realized that while I never did seek to actively control things in my life, I knew in the back of my mind very clearly and definitively how things would turn out to be, with the given choices and options. I had people to fall back on, people to blame, people who would take the blame and places where I could confess and move on. There was certainty in life.

When you are travelling, specially outside your country, there is no certainty of anything. Where the bus comes from, where will you get vegetarian food (if at all), is it okay to be out till late, is it okay to crack a joke with the locals. Nothing. And this my friend is the crux of it all. The reason I was on the road.  

In life if you take away certainty then all that is left is you, your core and your senses. It prepares you for the worst while it shows you the best. Travel, I feel is the only good way I know to bring this uncertainty in life. The one that helps me meet me. The one that will show me my truth in all its colours, frustration and calmness. The one that will make me help live with myself day after day, year after year, decade after decade. 

Malaysia Travel Diary

In the past couple of months my life has changed dramatically. For more than 3 months I have been on the move. Travelling to different countries (only 2 actually) . Now, I know it sounds all romantic and adventurous and it surely is. However, it is also true that long term travelling is not for the faint hearts. It is not about eternal optimism either. At least it wasn't for me. And that's it really. It is different things for different people and my experience can never be yours. Actually, what I have lived cannot (and I wouldn't want to in all honesty) be replicated in any form or way by me or anyone else ever. So, what I have lived was only once in a lifetime opportunity that has come and gone. It taught me a lot, opened me a bit more and showed me a different side of reality, unknown to me before this. In the next couple of blogs, I shall be sharing my experience, insights and memories from these wanderings.

My first stop "abroad" was Kuala Lumpur. Okay, before we land in KL, let me clear a couple of important pointers in this story, that might crop up once we are deep inside the recesses of my memory lane. How did I decide about travelling? My husband (who accompanied me on this trip) and I are travel enthusiasts and have been planning to go on long term travels for more than four years now. Did I give up your job? I did. Ankit is extremely lucky. He works for an organization that lets him work from anywhere in the world. He has certain deliveries with deadlines and well, that's about it. I am myself, in the process of creating a model where I can work from where ever I am.

I strongly suggest anyone who plans to travel for a long time (and I mean anywhere between 3 months to 3 years) to have some decent amount of savings in their banks. Ankit and I have worked our assess off for the past 6 years, creating enough savings before we embarked upon this journey. I saw many travelers on this journey to realize the importance of bank balance. Its good to know that you can be out of this if you wish to be and have something to fall back on.

How much did it cost me? Because we did not do complete budget travel and as vegetarians (with a love for good food) we had to spend a little more on our bread, so it wasn't absolutely cheap for us. However, even then, our budget came to 2, 75000 for two people, inclusive of flights, boarding and food. Not bad, I would say. Thanks to platforms like Couchsurfing and Workaway of course. These are not just great platforms to help you budget your trip, but also opportunities to see some real rare gems (places and people both) and shape your travels into insightful, interesting journeys.

I guess, I have answered three major questions (all these have been persistently put before my attention in the last couple of months by friends, family and strangers). Now, back to KL. We flew by Air Asia (from Bangalore as we got the tickets cheap. 26,000 INR for two people, return airfare. Tip: We booked 3 months in advance. One of the most useful tricks taught by the couchsurfers hosted by us).

However, do remember that when Air Asia says they fly you cheap, they mean it quite literally. You will be paying extra for baggage, seats (in case you have a preference), water and everything else. It was my first international trip and I was flying on the wings of my imagination. Air Asia got me on ground and trust me when I say, it wasn't a smooth landing at all. The flight was cramped, the aircon was unbearable and all my hopes of watching a movie in flight seem laughable now. It was a night flight and as we had no inkling about their love for cold nights, we ended up shivering for the four hours we were in there, with nothing to keep us warm.

Not the most ideal or romantic first step in an unknown world. This experience left me with a bad headache and some skepticism for our journey ahead. Once in KL, we got our Malaysian sim cards (from the airport itself). We bought our bus ticket to KL Sentral (as the airport is an hour away from the main city) and were on our way to witness another world.
 

In the year that I turned 26, all we heard about were rapes. Rapes on the streets, in homes, buses, trains, everywhere. There was a man on top of a woman wherever you looked. A struggling, unhappy woman. I am a woman, and I was constantly reading of my younger species being stripped off their clothes, independence and pushed down on the survival pyramid, where laying flat and still is the only way to live. Walking on street that summer, winter and monsoon, I felt like a soldier. Fully covered, walking in a jungle where showing any limb will alert the enemy or animal or maybe both were the same. A constant terror of night and empty streets. I don’t think I was ever alone that year. The only place that I went alone was the bathroom. In public toilets I was always sure I was covered as best as possible. The threat of hidden cameras was never far behind.

That year, walking on the streets, full of varied smells and sweat camouflaging as a mob, I often wondered what it would be like to be raped. To be a victim of a superior force wanting to seal it’s superiority on my being. It felt oddly exciting and terrifying at the same time. Scared and excited, I would look down and walk faster towards my destination. I lived in the city of Mumbai with two friends. The sight of them at times made me sick. My empty house at night depressed me though. I am sure there must be times I depressed them too. Their families were too far away, too old fashioned and not with much money. Same as mine. We shared a one room kitchen, the only space we could afford. None of us spoke much. We didn’t need to. 

I had a boyfriend. He lived in Delhi. A long distance relationship is the most relieving thing really. You don’t worry about being single and hence unattractive, you don’t have to forever juggle between friends and boyfriend, you can eat, sleep, think, read what you wish, no questions asked. I loved him. I really did. He allowed me the freedom to paint his image the way I liked. Of course, we spoke and I saw the cracks in that image, but still. At least he was not near enough to completely destroy my perfect man. I could deal with some cracking’s once in a while. Anyway, most of the times that we spoke, we talked about what each of us had for breakfast, lunch and dinner, about our families, some common friends punctuated by long pauses and love you. It was a tiring conversation most of the times but necessary. We had to keep the connection alive after all. So talk we did.

That year though I was completely obsessed with rape.